Sex by obligation? Maybe the problem is not your relationship

Sex by obligation? Maybe the problem is not your relationship

When the routine is increasingly busy and the hours of sleep have become extremely precious and valued, finding yourself in the situation of having sex, even without being in the mood, just to satisfy the partner is increasingly common.

“Although there is not much research on this, I observe in my office that more than half of long-term couples have sex out of obligation,” says sex specialist in Delhi.

However, the unwillingness that leads to this may not necessarily be a symptom that the relationship is going badly: many other factors may be behind what makes people have sex unwillingly. “Sometimes tiredness is greater than will. It is unavailability,” argues sexologist in Delhi as one of the main reasons behind such compulsory sex.

sex as obligation

For them, having sex can mean less sleep

This is a problem that affects women much more, due to the accumulation of roles and tasks. In a survey, conducted in 2016, it was found that for women the quality of sleep comes before their sex life. For men, good sex life would be almost as important as eating.

“I am a wife, mother, professional, beautiful and thin. We have no choice but to be, we want to be all of that. There is tremendous social pressure on women to fulfill all the old and new roles,” says a participant. “And how are you going to be able to enjoy the pleasure of sex, with all this consuming you? It’s a lot,” adds the researcher, who argues that for many women today sex can only mean less sleep time, not pleasure.

Add to that the fact that female arousal is not automatic – you have to shut down and relax. “The man has the most resolved sexuality, is something he does to relax. The woman does not, has many other emotional and social factors that make it difficult to arouse and enjoy,” argues sexologist.

In this scenario, both believe that many women feel obliged to have sex to maintain the relationship. “There is still a culture of ‘if I don’t do it, another will do’ because men would have a physical need to have sex that makes many women feel obliged to do it,” the sexologist explains.

For a beautician participant, 34, this is common in her marriage. “The routine of work, home, and child gets tired. Then there’s the situation that I don’t want to leave him sexless, even tired, and do it just to fulfill the obligation. And I just think, ‘Get it over with.”

Men also have sex out of obligation

Although women feel more pressured to have sex when they are without desire, men also go through it. “Recently I was dating this girl and she’s all the time cuddling, wanting. I was more relaxed, but it’s very hard to say no, to stop, so I ended up doing it,” says a participant, 32.

For top sexologist in Delhi, men’s difficulty in refusing sex is more linked to a need to prove masculinity. “Not that it’s easier, they are afraid to blush, feel charged, wives charge,” explains sex doctor. To which sex specialist complements the fact that it is expected of the nature of man to be always in the mood, which is also a pressure.

Information reinforced by data from a 2015 study by the GFK Institute, which found that 44% of men between 41 and 50 years old used erectile dysfunction medications in all relationships. “Indians are one of the largest consumers of anxiety and sleeping pills. Indians are becoming the largest consumers of Viagra,” says the best sex doctor in Delhi, to differentiate the pressures that each gender suffers.

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